One Idea, Many Hats: A validation for Kalam

“I write for the same reason that a cow gives milk.”

That’s what George Bernard Shaw had to say about his creative process. I am neither GB Shaw nor do I have any bovine traits in particular- but then every once in a while, an intellectual comes along, with his out of the box revelations, and coerces me into a fit of lactation. The most recent of them was in order when Mr. N Jayaram came out with his article “Kalam was no great man: Don't let news of death confuse you.” (Link here)

Its seems to be a fixation with some, that Dr. Kalam was a Muslim who adhered to some traditionally “Hindu practices” – of all for God’s sake, Vegetarianism and Carnatic music!! While this seems to be a rather noble principle of life in a multi cultural, multi ethnic and pluralist country like India; opinions such as the ones Mr Jayaram holds, tend to place such personal convictions so forcibly into a political set up, that it feels utterly synthetic and phony. Case in point here is Dr. Kalam’s appointment as president in 2002. It might be very well true that the Political parties might have favoured a Muslim president. But then, what is it that was expected out of Kalam about the 2002 riots? He was a scientist, a workaholic handling his scientific chores of the day – not a politician and in particular, not a very shrewd one at that. What would you have had him do? Say NO to a position that he thought he could execute well and show, as opposed to most of his nominal predecessors that the post can actually be an instrument of influence, inspiration and change...? By the feeble argument that Kalam accepted a post that in the larger context was essentially a tactical political move, Mr. Jayaram would find it difficult to convince just about anyone to get into public service or politics in general at all.

There is also an attempt to term him and his projects “hawkish” using formidable words such as a proponent of nuclear weaponisation. Very few would disagree on the matter of Nuclear disarmament. It is perhaps the quintessential requisite to the survival of the human race or even terrestrial life on planet Earth. But such an issue can never be considered in isolation of its geopolitical implications. India sits in very slippery conditions in this regards. With military hostility from its neighbours being a very palpable reality, tending to a completely pacifist ideology is not just impractical but is also something that borders stupidity. But that is something the so called intellectuals conveniently ignore in their arguments. There is a reason why India is a non-signatory to the NPT and CTBT. The one truly global, trans-national organization of the present day is the UN. But sadly and by conscious design, it represents the world power structure of the post WW-II era. Until that time when the so called big players allow for a more level playing field, the new boys on the block will just chose to play somewhere else. Kalam’s views and his support on military strength is not a result of him being “hawkish”, but a by product of the a larger picture that the prominent nuclear powers in the world would want to make security decisions on behalf of the smaller ones; thereby compromising their own sovereignty on foreign and to a sizable extent, internal policy matters.

The ethical stand on nuclear power plants, river linking and death penalty is also a matter of considerable constipation. It is quite convenient and a little non-constructive to point out nothing but flaws in the current and prospective projects. When people in India die by the thousands, every season specifically due to climatic conditions, river linking would generally appeal to rationality. As it obviously turns out - not to all. The surprising fact is that while environmentalists worry a great deal about the social impact viz. displacement of people from their ancestral lands and the submergence of villages, they would not bat an eye when the same people die of floods or droughts. Even considering the flora and fauna, I believe sometimes environmentalists underestimate nature in its love for its own proliferation- Thekaddy (Periyaar reserve) in Kerala being a fitting example. Also, Kalam being a constant proponent of a Thorium based nuclear energy program is quite conveniently neglected.

As for death penalty- I can agree that there is no place for it the 21st century. But that is a completely subjective view and no one can claim to take the the moral high ground because human rights are universal and apply just as much to victims as they do to the convicted. The example of Dhananjoy Chaterjee is a handy one because Mr. Jayaram has the multipurpose tool of retrospective analysis – not a luxury readily available to people who need to make decisions based on current evidence.

It is but obvious that issues such as nuclear programs, energy generation and capital punishment are extremely disputed and naturally no one is going to agree completely on even the larger points, let alone the finer ones. To pass judgements on a man’s greatness based on such grey issues is a little rich. Especially given the fact that for the most part, he would be remembered and rightly so, to be a man who inspired a whole generation to dream big and work hard. He was a man who gave the phrase “Presidential Palace” a meaning more profound than the ones that could be found in a dictionary when he opened the imposing gates of the Rashtrapati Bhavan to school children, college students, farmers and a multitude of other social classes. This, especially because, unlike factional politicians and political pundits, he did not believe in social classes. And this is hardly surprising-  how would social classes matter; especially to a Muslim boy who was son to a boat owner, friend to the son of a Rameshwaram temple high priest, who went on to become a technician at Thumba Equatorial Rocket Launching Station which was housed in a donated St. Mary Magdalene Church.

In his closing remark, Mr. Jayaram opines, “...eulogising of Kalam comes across as a tad obscene.” I would want to humbly state that like each one of us, Dr. Kalam was no God. As every human, he had his share of misjudgements, vices and beliefs. What is actually “a tad obscene” is the pathological obsession with nitpicking every single mistake or opinion that is incoherent with your own and painting with a broad brush a picture far less beautiful than the person Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam actually was.

The Days Of Men

On March the 8th, 2014 Google proudly put up the following doodle. The occasion was that of the International Women's Day. It made me happy. Happy about the fact that the world does pay attention to the cause of womanhood and that women in general, feel the solemn sense of pride that must be solely theirs to have been a woman - on a special day, just dedicated to them.


Not many know and fewer give a damn but today is International Men's Day. I know .. You may now go ahead and laugh it out. Google shares my view and very creatively put this up to mark the day. I'm not taking offense because as they say- after all, every day of the year is a Man's day, free to strut about, feeling awesomely male and invincibly virile. The reactions to the existence of a "Men's Day" is a mile wide and an inch deep. - Ranging from "How dare they... " to "Why do they even need one ...". It ranges from astonishment, to ridicule, to plain indifference.  And this makes me feel a little let down. Not that a particular designated day does anything significant for my self esteem as a man, but just that no one seems to give a damn.

Despite thousands of years of so called civilization of the human race, we remain majorly a patriarchal world and there is no denying that. And therein lies my inherent support for the cause of Women's rights. Having said that though, I sometimes feel, maybe incorrectly, that Men's issues hardly make it to the agenda and I wonder why..! I mean to most of us - What even are "men's issues"  - do they even exist ?!  Yes they do and its sad men, and more importantly, women are silent about it, despite being champions of the fight against gender bias.

On average, every year, more men around the world will be diagnosed of prostate cancer than women for breast cancer. While I read about a fund raiser for breast cancer just two days ago, I cannot recall one instance in my entire life of even a roadside pamphlet on the former. I don't claim the medical community to have been biased or some male obsessed argument of the like.  It is just that while disease and death is gender neutral, the attention and keenness for awareness is not; and that ought not to be the case. Millions of dollars are spent for support in cases of single motherhood, domestic violence etc. All usually under the blanket term of "Women's Aid/empowerment". Agreed, when it comes to domestic violence or workplace harrassment- men are much less susceptible compared to women, but is that reason enough to pay less heed to a victim just because he is a man and should 'take care of his own shit'..?! I think not. And its not like male victims are all that a fringe either. As per statistics in India, 53% of victims of child abuse are boys !

And this brings me to my next point. To many, it is difficult to comprehend that men can even be abused. Aren't guys meant to always like it..? No. We don't. We are all so fed full on media junk about the male obsession for boobs, sex and everything vaginal that rape of a man is beyond comprehension. Somehow, I feel that it is demeaning above almost everything- that we are this peculiar creation of nature that is forever consumed by lust- and for whom predation and procreation is by far, the defining instinct. Rape victims are provided anonymity, not rape accused- especially if male. In fact, in the eyes of the general public, a male accused is guilty before trial. Not every one is a rapist, molester or wife beater. In fact, an overwhelming majority is not. Unfortunately on the flip side, male rape, molestation or physically abused is a story no newspaper reports, no news channel covers and very few organizations care about.

Speaking of organizations by the way, just a passing glance  and two cents on gender ratio at workplace. Choosing female applicants at job interviews to maintain gender ratio is not gender equality but the stark opposite of it. Women more often than not, take offence to this "male claim" and its not difficult see their point; but only after acknowledging the existence of a minor  misinterpretation. As a disclaimer, no one is saying a woman is going to make it to a job just because she is a woman. Women slog hard, very hard at college to get their degrees - nonetheless they are not exclusive in this pursuit. The male classmate slogged just as hard. Merit and business requirement should dictate hiring; not 'gender ratio at workplace'. Reductio ad absurdum: Why is there no discussion on gender ratio in coal mining, hazardous waste disposal ? Women empowerment does not start at the HR department of a company. It starts  earlier, much much earlier. It starts at home, at kindergarten where going or not going to school and continuing there, and attending college later is not a decision made on the fact of a child being a boy or a girl. Hiring solely to maintain/improve gender ratio is not gender equality, its gender bias. A freebie which eventually robs her of self and peer side respect.

As confession, Yes ! This is a rant. Consequently, not all points may follow strictly logical reasoning. It is a vent to some bottled up frustration resulting from all the propaganda that dubs us collectively as sexual perverts, violent miscreants, emotionally insufficient jerks. Propaganda that makes us feel apologetic of every harm that was ever done to a lady; which by the way does no good to anyone or any cause. Propaganda that almost makes us feel ashamed for the very accident of birth as a male. Opinions and common 'wisdom' that I can never love my daughter or my son as much as their mother. And this is neither fair nor acceptable.

The average guy can be any of the following. He could be the son who wants to make the most of his talents to prove his worth to the world, to his parent and most importantly to himself. He could be a brother who would fight with and for his sister. He could also be the husband or the partner who would and does happily give up everything for a smile on her face. He could be the father under whose fortitude, every child has sought emotional refuge and security. He could be a friend with whom you share stories and gossip over a cup of coffee and some cookies. 

He could also be the guy who likes to laze on his messy bed on a Sunday afternoon, the guy who loves to discuss cars, superheroes, the new girl in the dorm and global warming or he could be just a guy who wants to sit by a lake simply throwing rocks into the water and be a complete bloke.

Less bashing. More bonding. 

Governance, God and Gujarat

I am no expert with economics in general. But then, when I hear all the hoo-ha about all the great governance and the great economic strides that have apparently transformed Gujarat in a relatively short political span of 12 years- to me, it just somehow seems too good to be true. The sad part however is that to most us, all this seems to perfectly align, ipso facto, regardless of whether the 'facto' is actually existent or not and if at all existent, presents any corroborative evidence to this economic epiphany that Mr. Modi seems to have shown his people. Of course, if this stellar growth and development were true, the choice in the ongoing and upcoming General elections would be an easy one. But do they really all add up..?

BJP and Narendra Modi's electoral campaign has one main focus. Good governance and economic development; and of course the belief and make belief that he has been the one, and the only one, to have been true to all these promises in Gujarat. The argument, nonetheless losses quite a lot of its sheen in the light of some statistical data. The story of Gujarat's economic robustness is not unique to Modi. Gujarat has been outperforming the All India average GDP growth rate since the 1980's which of course is a testament to it industrious people.  To put it into figures, before Modi, Gujarat performed on average 1.1% higher than the national GDP figures and post Modi this average has been 1.3%. While being above average is always good and so is the improvement, I do not see this as stellar growth by a long shot. In my opinion, The Gaurdian, made a very objective observation about this, "Though Modi's stock is rising high, evidence for the success of Modinomics is unconvincing."  Then of course there is the rural electrification brilliance. Unlike the claims, Gujarat is neither 100% rural electrified and definitely not the first to be so. As of 31st January this year, according to a report by the Ministry of Power, 14 other states are ahead of Gujarat, mind you at 100%. There is also a power surplus theory afloat that people of Gujrat, even in the villages, have no idea of what a power cut is. I do not know what 11 lakh housholds, which roughly translates to about half a million people, think of this; as according to the 2011 census they do not have electricity as their primary course of illumination. Is it just me or can it be that there actually are power cuts or in some cases no power at all. 35 villages still to be electrified as per data by the way.

So much about the power surplus, lets talk about industrial investment - Modi's core competency - selling the idea of Gujarat to the world. Among Indian states, Gujarat ranks 5th. While fifth is not bad at all but why lie about facts. I assume, lies are not something that we desire from our prospective Prime Minister. And is economic development everything..? I would generally take Amatya Sen's and Raghuram Rajan's word over Narendra Modi's. Maybe because between the former two, they share a Nobel prize, great intellectual capacities, credits of having predicted the 2008 financial crisis or may be just because they do not need to use gimmicky "clever"  AK47 genre of punch lines to convey a point. Nonetheless, according to them, the HDI (Human Development Index) and the CDI (Composite Development Index) figures in Gujarat are quite disappointing to say the least. Google it for yourselves and realize the trickery first hand. I am no congress supporter but my voice is only against all this falsehood. BJP's constant refrain is that Congress has never done anything. Ever...! And supposedly, AAP has no 'vision' for the country. The irony however is that neither has the BJP made any clarifications on its own developmental blueprints. Their favorite phrase of course is "The Gujarat model of development" Well...whatever that is. No one really seems articulate enough to let us know. He often asks, "I have no family. Who will I be corrupt for?” I don't know, maybe his Public Relations Officer. He seems to have done a pretty good job with the hogwash.

Having talked about the 'less important' governance and growth, let us shed some light on India's favorite pass-time, Religion and the favorite board game of the Indian politician, Religious sectarianism. If you go to the New York Times website and search for an article called Timeline of the Riots in Modi’s Gujarat, one can plausibly see why Modi has been so unapologetic. An action will have a reaction is his reasoning because obviously rioting is the better thing to do ..!! As opposed to say, not setting fire to entire neighborhoods, killing people, killing children- born and unborn and mass raping women. Mr. Modi has a standard and in some ways a pretty decent counter for this- that of having been re-elected as Chief minister. This too, unfortunately, like a lot of his other 'facts' is a little too simplistic and really lacks some judicial reasoning. If winning elections were to exonerate someone of  blame, why have courts at all. Lets all decide convictions on opinion polls. The thousands of cases pending in court could obviously use some help. Then of course you have the court verdicts which have 'exonerated' Modi. But no one questions on what grounds and circumstances. The court suspects but has "Not enough evidence for conviction" I hope at least a few of you have heard/read the chilling confessions by Babu Bajrangi, "Narendrabhai got me out of jail…… He kept on changing judges…. He set it up so as to ensure my release, otherwise I wouldn’t have been out yet... ". You think a person who has say over "changing judges" has no control over the lowly constable or an SI who does the investigative 'errands' for the Gujrat police. Who are we trying to fool..? Religious divisiveness sometimes just stoops to really ridiculous levels in the Modi stable. In Kerala, for instance during a campaign he said, "Kerala the nursery of terrorism". No doubt, there are serious concerns but I have experienced social cultures from 5 states in India now and being a Malayali myself. While things are not rosy, its is far from a nursery of terrorism. 

I can't, by the way, speak of Modi, without speaking about the RSS. That was after all his training ground. In the onset I'd like to say, I am not completely against the RSS, especially for the kind of relief work their young members have done in the past. However, currently living in Germany, I cannot but stop the Hitlerjungend (Hitler youth) picture baring down on my thought process because RSS's founding was  inspired by The Fascist regime in Italy. RSS also holds Hitler in high regard for his staunch adherence to the principle of racial and cultural purity. This is not rambling by the way. Those interested can read the, Encyclopedia of modern worldwide extremists and extremist groups" - Stephen E Atkins. It is not my intension to paint a bad picture of the RSS but only to bring an objective view on its ideas and principles, because some charity here and some volunteering there is not what you are in your entirety. The principles you stand for, are to me, a major factor. RSS intellectual M S Golwalkar put it down plainly. Vaisudhaiva Kutumbakam and Indian values- which in itself is a good idea to start with. The problem is when they assume their idea of India to be the only idea and that this idea is so good and therapeutic that it is worth shoving down peoples throat. I hope they realize that the very diversity of India that they are so proud of is the reason why a monochromatic India is neither healthy nor justified. I am a Christian by religious faith but I think of myself a little more Indian than Christian because things to do with me and my maker are personal to me. However, my being Indian and the sense of pride associating its history, culture and ancient civilization is very public. Despite this, when history text books in Gujarat call Christians, Muslims and Parsees foreigners, it pinches pretty badly. I am not sure how many understand this but the promise of a better economy does not help. Really, it does not! It just feels a little servile and cheap to me. "We will call you foreigners in the textbooks. In exchange, the economy will be better and  your monthly salary will eventually see better days." You know, it feels quite demeaning, not despite, but precisely because of the promise of better economic sense.

Probably this voice of mine comes too little, too late and maybe not too many will like or even read it but then, that is never a reason to shut up. Whether you vote for Modi or against Modi - no matter. But let it not be based on knowledge via the grapevine. Research well, vote wisely.

Remember Remember the 5th of November

For me, its been an emotionally nerve wracking week. For five days now, I've held this rant inside me and that's something what I call, a self imposed form of mental constipation. I know, its kind of a grotesque start. But well, I'd have to say its much less of a bullshit story than that by the media and the so called "social scientists", whining about India's Mars Orbiter Mission (MOM).

At a personal level, I've held astronomy close to my heart from the time I was a child. In fact I still prize the "Earth, space and the universe" paperback quiz books my mother bought me a long time ago. I believe it was only natural to feel a very real sense of crackling excitement to have heard ISRO's ambitious plans and finally, to have seen PSLV-XL take India's maiden interplanetary satellite into space. But then of course happiness is an evanescent thing. That vicious question repeated yet again; and again and again. "Is India really justified on spending so much ?" 

I am not really interested in specifying "spending on what" because as a matter of fact, to the assailants, if I may take the liberty of calling them so, it does not matter. Not one bit! As long as the BBC can show a photograph of a rag picking girl from a garbage dump, any expenditure that is not directly linked to feeding a destitute is unethical. I cannot agree enough that a large number of people in India live in ruthless poverty. I cannot stress enough that empathy and action from the state and from each citizen towards such grossly underprivileged people is of paramount importance. But it needs to be understood- India is not merely a monochromatic, painfully romantic BBC photograph.

And what numbers are we talking about..?! Taking into account the complexity of such a mission, I think the project is quite literally, a complete bargain. At a cost of INR  450Cr (c. USD 73 million)  the mission is a meager 0.02% of India's 2013 budget. An interesting comparison would be an Indian family hatchback which takes roughly the same amount to develop. Speaking of cars, a friend of mine posted this a few days back for the mileage obsessed Indian: "The orbiter is slated to travel a distance of roughly 780 million km on its journey to Mars which works out to be less than 7 Rs/km." That is in fact cheaper than a god damn auto rickshaw in Bangalore although I think actually anything is cheaper than an auto ride in Bangalore. Even if you smoked a few less cigarettes during the course of the project, you would have contributed to a better probably a little more useful form of fire and smoke. Apart from the fact that it is genuinely low-cost, I wonder the critics know how much space missions generally cost. The Curiosity rover project was developed at a cost of $2 billion. That's twice the amount of India's entire annual budget on space research. Agreed, the size of the project is much smaller. But even on a comparable project, the US would spend close to ten times of what ISRO has managed to do it in. And given the extremely tight schedule of 15 months, its a no brainer that the effort is by any yardstick, a commendable one.

Here's another thing that really baffled me. This tweet aired on a BBC telecast said, "I think they do not want our aid money anymore" Unfortunately, that's the bane that follows the position and title of being a fast growing yet 'developing' nation. From personal experience, for many Europeans, India is typically a place with a lot of slums and a lot of call centers - both of which, take away tax-payer money in the form of aid and take away jobs in the form of back office services. The tweet reflects a very human tendency to prescribe to a rather sanctimonious ideology of relegating beneficiaries to servile yes men. In an interesting turn of events nonetheless, India has pledged to contribute $10b to Europe's aid as a part of the IMF 'firewall' against further economic crises. I'm not too sure India is really telling the IMF or beneficiary  countries what to do or not to do with their own tax payers' money and I think the gesture needs to be mutual. And speaking of foreign aid by the way, India is the largest donor towards polio eradication, having contributed a total sum on $2 billion. This is from a WHO report - Not Indian propaganda. Aid is charity, a sign of solidarity and most of all the epitome of benevolent human relationship. Its never a license to dictate.

For the record, detractors are not just outside. There is a large breed of home grown critics as well. For obvious reasons, they are the ones that irk me the most. First of all allow me to say this - "Get a life !" Having said that, allow me also to give you reasons so as to why they should get a life. The primary objection is very closely linked to expenses. About expenses, noted journalist and social activist Praful Bidwai, for example, is of the opinion, "Completely disproportionate in quantity". He says that while a multitude is living in poverty, spending 450Cr on a space mission is totally disreputable. Now, lets take some stats into account. India, in 2013-14 will spend Rs. 27250Cr on the Sarva Siksha Abhiyaan alone, Rs 37330Cr on Family Welfare, Rs. 33000Cr on Rural employment and a whopping Rs 125,000Cr (estimated) on the Food Security Bill. By any standards, these are really, really large numbers. For a moment, I'd have to agree with Mr. Bidwai that the expense on the MOM is disproportionate, albeit only in the diminutiveness of its financial backing.  So the argument that India doesn't have its priorities sorted out with regard to social welfare begs to be thrown out of the window. And for God's sake, Mumbai alone spent 600 crores on crackers on Diwali night - by the way some of which were rockets too. Instead of pinning the blame on a handful of scientists and engineers who've made the most out of the bare minimum offered, probably people such as Mr. Bidwai may better serve the nation using their journalistic skills and 'activist' clout to help figure out where these enormous funds go.

But then of course, you might ask, what's the point of it all? Why do it in the first place? Let me start with the less important financial part. From Aryabhata to Mangalyaan, there have been 72 Indian satellites sent into space. When Aryabhata was launched in 1975 we were completely dependent on the Russians and the Europeans with 60% of the first 25 satellites being put into orbit by a foreign launch vehicle. Today that figure is down to 16%. In fact, India launches satellites for developed nations such as Japan, Israel, Germany, France among others. To be exact with figures, ISRO has helped launch a total of 35 such satellites. With the cost of launching a satellite being anywhere between 50 and 400 million USD, I can't comprehend how someone is unable to see the savings and the potential income ISRO's missions entail. And by the way who are these people employed at ISRO? Indians. Who builds most of the infrastructure? Indian companies. That's home grown employment from home grown revenue generating work. Last time I checked, that's the most robust way to a society's economic evolution. Did I miss a meeting..? Antrix, ISRO's marketing wing reported a net income of 1.5 billion Indian rupees in 2008. Do I need to say more on how space exploration is profitable.. or that if it is of any use at all ?!!

So much for the present and the future. Take a peek into the past too. Cyclone Paradeep made landfall on the shores of Orissa on 28 October, 1999. By the time the storm had subsided, over 10,000 people had lost their lives. Our main handicap was the lack of advanced remote sensing satellites and Doppler radars. In stark contrast, Cyclone Phailin's death toll was 45. Are you listening ? 45..! Among other things, a direct result of investment in satellite technology. Can you put a price tag on the expenditure on technologies such as these that have helped save countless lives..? One should probably google the Cospas Sarsat system to know how space technology has direct impact on lives here- close to the ground. And where do you think GPS and your SatNav comes from? And what about national pride..? Where did that go..? Has it come to mean nothing! Does Rabindranath Tagore's Nobel prize for literature have no meaning because it has no substantial economic merit. Does the fact that one can't put to use the contents of Gitanjali onto an assembly line and churn out low quality so called 'blockbuster' bollywood movies make it irrelevant to national pride.

All this so vividly brings Oscar Wilde to mind who defined so accurately saying, "A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing." No country has succeeded on its maiden attempt to Mars, more than half of all Mars missions have failed. Can one not foresee the challenge, the immense national pride if we are to nail it or even the courage to have attempted something as audacious as this? I hope we understand the role this will play on the young minds to whom the older generation will bequeath the role of carrying India's technology and status to greater heights. Somewhere in the last 10 years, an ever growing number of young Indian engineers have gone from I want to join NASA to I want to work for ISRO. I'm not convinced the critics actually appreciate the gravity of a shift or even the beginning of such a shift that's taking hold of India's enormous youth. I so wish they could stand from my viewpoint and watch the vista - a view that has infinite hope, boisterous energy, a calm assured confidence and deep down inside, a sense of innocent pride.

And hey, the ISRO guys seem to have a decent sense of humor too. Especially with regard to the subtlety in timing. So, the title of this piece in their honor.

In the 'Fairness' of things

Somewhere in the vicinity of 10pm.

Barkha Dutt speaks about today’s cabinet reshuffle as she approaches a break. “Stay tuned! When we come back... blah blah black sheep”

Commercial: “…New Nivea whitening deodorant for fairer underarms!”

Come again…  Fairer what..!? “New Nivea Whitening DEODORANT FOR FAIRER UNDERARMS”

Instant Thought (IT) 1: Think of Salma Hayek or Capt. Niobe, using the New Nivea Whitening Deodorant For Fairer Underarms ( from hereon referred as NWDFFU).

IT 2: How do you ask for this ‘product’ at the store... “Arrey, woh fair underarms wala deo dena(or deejiye)!” Like, you know, for places where you don’t really have something like a Big Bazaar and the gali wala cosmetic store called Ladies Paradise is the only place where you get this stuff. Interesting people might as well call it the Ladies Parasite.

IT3: This is awesome shit!!

I’m mean, seriously. Fairer underarms! That’s the new thing after the natural nikhaar!? Its hard to believe. So... ahh…well… I went on to go check it out. No. Online. By no means a minor feat… you know, to lurk around a website that is completely pink; filled with hearts and stars and small cute dogs and designer nail polish( ? what the hell is that) - www.makeupalley.com Those interested can visit. Surprisingly, there is a considerable amount of statistical data available on the website. NWDFFU is not doing too well with a lowly 2.7 lipsticks out of a max 5. And I am not bloody kiddin' you. This is too just too silly to make up; this one comments says, “…As for the whitening, I did see a little, but not enough…” Not enough..!!?  What do you mean “not enough”. Bleach yourself lady and hope you shine like a fluorescent bulb. I mean.. i don't get it.. of all the things, you would want to brag about your fair underarm..?! Really?

Enough crap. Truth be told, I never really pictured Colonial hangover get this far. Never. I’m dark; but then I’m a bloke and for some(& that) reason I’m not really expected to compete in the marriage market. (Alas!) Okay some competition in the dating market. But what the hell... this is absurd! Shameful; not to mention. In this part of the world you could ridicule someone calling her dark.  I mean, ‘Ja Kalmoohi’ is just not the same as ‘Ja Chudail (Also a Delly Belly song now)’. NWDFFU is a surprising new product but in many ways not surprising in the entirety of the way our society thinks. Sad...! And that is to say the least. Six and half decades have not been enough to clean up the Gori mem psyche. I’m but a nobody to impose my ideas. But ‘Fair is beautiful and dark is not’ That’s an idea I have a problem with. I do not want to start with Halle Berry, Beyonce, Nandita  Das and some of my own dusky friends who are just as lovely as women get.  This whitening thing, quite frankly, freaks me out. 

These are some possibilities for the future... I don't rule out anything now.

New Complan with fairness additives.

Gillette shaving gel, advanced bleach formula.

L’Oreal fairness lipstick- because you’re worth it.

Shalimar Basmati – Now genetically modified for fairer Indian Skin.

Who knows! Some day Dell will come up with an India special version of its laptops with lower radiation, lower brightness, lower whatever LCDs for reduced skin tanning for the obtuse fairness obsessed Indian market.

Dark is good. Dark is awesome. Most importantly.. its YOU that are awesome. 

Women, Get over it.

More importantly: Men, Get over it too.

Did I mention ba ba BLACK sheep anywhere? Oh..! The Cabinet reshuffle..damn.. chuck it now.. next time. I feel so totally stoned by stupidity. 

Have a nice day. Outdoors.

Mrs. Dalloway - Let it sink in.

Given my credentials of not having attempted a single review in my life, I think a ‘Mrs. Dalloway review’ is almost at the edge of travesty. To be frank, I believe there may be very few among us, who could

actually do justice to a book as compelling a Mrs. Dalloway.

I was drawn to the book following the film, ‘The Hours’ based on Michael Cunningham’s novel by the same name and Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. While The Hours (film) left me shell shocked and jolted to the core by its sheer brilliance of screenplay and acting prowess; Mrs. Dalloway left me speechless, literally. I feel so utterly handicapped over words and ideas to describe it, let alone critique it. This is but a very humble attempt or perhaps even a tribute to a great book by a greater writer.

First and foremost, you need to forget any and every preconception you have about how to write or read a novel before you embark upon the Virginia reading experience. Woolf does not comply or confine herself to the structures of chapters or volumes. No chapter, no volume in the entire book. Woolf does not feel the necessity of a central plot to bring forth the very core of our emotions. She does not feel also, that it is so awfully necessary to terminate sentences with a period because she wants one to flow into the other. She therefore, is undoubtedly, a maestro at the usage of the semicolon. If you ever lecture to a class full of English literature students and wanted to cite an example of the ‘stream-of-consciousness’ style; Mrs. Dalloway is the piece.

Woolf accomplishes, with almost eerie and spectral freedom, movement in and out of the heads of her characters. She meanders (for that could be the only possible word) through Clarissa’s (Dalloway) thoughts about a black car with royalty inside, Sally, ‘her’ Elizabeth; husband Richard, her lover of yore Peter, her parties, her ideas of life and freedom and inexorably … Septimus. Septimus, is a character that went on to become my personal favourite due to the absolute lucidity with which Woolf portrays the horrors of war through a man ripped apart by voices, daydreams, hallucinations and finally death. But even death is put forward in such sobriety that it shouts out what were but hidden words of Septimus. Virginia’s characters in the book are never larger than life. All placed rigidly in the post World War I era, each having their own unique, queer, yet ‘real’ niceties, opinions and prejudices of the English elite society to which they belong.

In ways more than one, it is a work on social issues through inner sentiment. It is a work on mental trauma, its obscurity and stigmatization. It is also, to a large extent a work to the cause of feminism. It is also a work on death, its various forms, its precursors and consequences. Mrs. Dalloway is not your regular novel to be read once and put back to the shelf. It demands re-reading; because the more you read, the more you realize what you missed out. It glues you and you live with its words.

Woolf once quoted, “A good essay must have this permanent quality about it; it must draw its curtain round us, but it must be a curtain that shuts us in not out.”

This is an excerpt from the book.

“Death was defiance. Death was an attempt to communicate; people feeling the impossibility of reaching the centre which, mystically, evaded them; closeness drew apart; rapture faded, one was alone. There was an embrace in death.”

I think she proves her point.

Love and Hate

I’m writing this for one: not to forget that I can/ I do write some spiteful stuff. And secondly, to vent out this sense of limitless frustration credited to a harrowing time I have had off late. Some related, some not. My head is such a storm its probably stupid to bind it in words. Stuffed. Stifled. Enraged. Bogged. My head is such a storm with so much of random annoyance that I can’t seem to figure out a structure to this piece that would even start to make some sense; So much that you don’t want me to get started. Or maybe you do, because you all, like half a billion other people in this country, me included, put up with so much of ridiculous shit everyday with no accountability or justification or even a basic wakefulness of shame on the part of the ones we rely on: Government, Brethren or Ourselves.

1. Recent Rambling

The Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corp makes roughly 1.5 rupees as profit for every kilometer it runs which I hardly need to tell (unless you are a complete imbecile), is an awful lot of money. I pay 20 rupees up from my flat to my office and 20 rupees back. It’s a distance just over 8 kilometers at the other end of which I reach my office at 9. Strikingly, I would now have been one and a half hours in traffic, jostling human beings, human-like beings and outright devils, all damned to a fate similar to mine. I deserve better. Enough said..? No! I stand; Almost all the while, almost all the days. I can’t hand over a ten rupee note to pay the bus conductor five bucks. Lest, Lo and behold: the over lord yells, snarls, grins, swears, (farts?) among other gestures repeating the phrase ‘change daena boss’ at least three times to reemphasize his authority and my stature as a monetary retard. All this in return to the crores and crores of rupees we contribute to the exchequer. All this in return to a requirement of paying 20% more tax if you don’t possess a PAN card! Very particular don’t you think. Inflation, Taxes, looting auto-rickshaws with meters as decorations, bribes: Nothing ever seems to get the constructions to finish, the dust to settle, the crowd to diminish, spay the littering stray dogs, calm reckless raging drivers, stop the air to literally stink from the open drains, stop every single day from being a maddening adventure to keep oneself in one piece. And I’m still talking about one of the most ‘cosmopolitan’ cities in the country. How do we manage to put up with all this? Wrong question. Why? Be extra cautious; you might just land up in shit here, in every sense of the word. Not trying to paint macabre images into your head, giving you an objective view on reality; if you didn’t notice you know.

2. Religion, Region and the Rest

I don’t hate India. I’ve been a passionate Indian all my life. I wear blue for an India match: hockey, badminton or cricket. I cheer for Force India, even though there is so little Indian about it except VMallya & NarainK, debated and sometimes even fought with foreign nationals, mostly white guys (no offence) for my national pride. I’ve been a big ass lover of India. I will remain so because I choose so. A bit too passionate sometimes. Although even in a secular country like ours, you sometimes need to wear your patriotism on your sleeve if you are not a Hindu. No No! Don’t give me that! No communal jargon here. I know better ‘coz I’ve been asked once to address my problems to Bill Clinton. I know better ‘coz my parents have been notified, more than once, that their Hindi sucks because well, they are Christian. Yes! To clarify however, both of them are Keralites, or popularly/derogatorily Mallus. So as per me, they can speak much better Hindi than most of Hindi speaking India can speak Pashto, Cantonese or Bulgarian. Dodge this: “Teri Englisss toh achi hogi… tu Christian hai na !” I mean, where do I start to explain things to someone who starts a dialogue with a statement like that? With a punch to the nose?!

I’m a rather dark skinned; malayali Christian who’s lived almost his entire first eighteen years in Varanasi; home to a so called ‘fairer skinned’; demographically Hindu and linguistically Hindi dominated ancient civilization. So word for word, I’m a fairly rare breed, having quite some hands on experience on the famed Indian diversity. The great melting pot of history, today I feel, is boiling to the brink. We have seventeen languages written on every Indian currency note which I once proudly explained to a German who said Germany was an extremely diverse nation. What is pride in an alien land is the source of political plundering back home. Demand for as many as 10 new states presently exist: so much so, one could make a famous, historic, founding father kinda political career out of a regionalist agenda: I don’t even want to get started with religion. I wonder how long it will take them to pillage this nation over region and religion; I hope it takes a wild blue yonder in eternity. But why point fingers at the ones who are always pointed at. We ourselves are no mean replicas of the devil himself. ‘Saala madrasi’, ‘jahil bihari’, ‘UP wale bhaiyya’, ‘a complete behenji’, ‘illad hi rahega’ are perhaps a few examples of a ‘tolerant, civil India’. Although proud of its better faces, it’s a dirty diversity in some ways, which in no measure rises above the level of racism over which the western world is so brutally patronized. In a society which still conforms to castes, religious stereotypes and even untouchabilty, we carry out the worst form of racism. Yeah, I heard you, “Common, no untouchability anymore. At least among educated”. Advice: Google ‘Doms of Banares’ and try speaking to one if you ever get a chance to. It will change your life. No one of the majority of India, dead or alive, can do without him, but no one will treat him human.

I have so much more to stab the rosy picture with. Cinema, respect for history-tradition, sports, language, the Indian typecast, friendship, love, intimacy. I will sometime, when I am overwhelmed again with a fit of rage for a nation I so love.

Bangalore

3March, 2011