Thursday, July 30, 2015

One Idea, Many Hats: A validation for Kalam




“I write for the same reason that a cow gives milk.”

That’s what George Bernard Shaw had to say about his creative process. I am neither GB Shaw nor do I have any bovine traits in particular- but then every once in a while, an intellectual comes along, with his out of the box revelations, and coerces me into a fit of lactation. The most recent of them was in order when Mr. N Jayaram came out with his article “Kalam was no great man: Don't let news of death confuse you.” (Link here)

Its seems to be a fixation with some, that Dr. Kalam was a Muslim who adhered to some traditionally “Hindu practices” – of all for God’s sake, Vegetarianism and Carnatic music!! While this seems to be a rather noble principle of life in a multi cultural, multi ethnic and pluralist country like India; opinions such as the ones Mr Jayaram holds, tend to place such personal convictions so forcibly into a political set up, that it feels utterly synthetic and phony. Case in point here is Dr. Kalam’s appointment as president in 2002. It might be very well true that the Political parties might have favoured a Muslim president. But then, what is it that was expected out of Kalam about the 2002 riots? He was a scientist, a workaholic handling his scientific chores of the day – not a politician and in particular, not a very shrewd one at that. What would you have had him do? Say NO to a position that he thought he could execute well and show, as opposed to most of his nominal predecessors that the post can actually be an instrument of influence, inspiration and change...? By the feeble argument that Kalam accepted a post that in the larger context was essentially a tactical political move, Mr. Jayaram would find it difficult to convince just about anyone to get into public service or politics in general at all.

There is also an attempt to term him and his projects “hawkish” using formidable words such as a proponent of nuclear weaponisation. Very few would disagree on the matter of Nuclear disarmament. It is perhaps the quintessential requisite to the survival of the human race or even terrestrial life on planet Earth. But such an issue can never be considered in isolation of its geopolitical implications. India sits in very slippery conditions in this regards. With military hostility from its neighbours being a very palpable reality, tending to a completely pacifist ideology is not just impractical but is also something that borders stupidity. But that is something the so called intellectuals conveniently ignore in their arguments. There is a reason why India is a non-signatory to the NPT and CTBT. The one truly global, trans-national organization of the present day is the UN. But sadly and by conscious design, it represents the world power structure of the post WW-II era. Until that time when the so called big players allow for a more level playing field, the new boys on the block will just chose to play somewhere else. Kalam’s views and his support on military strength is not a result of him being “hawkish”, but a by product of the a larger picture that the prominent nuclear powers in the world would want to make security decisions on behalf of the smaller ones; thereby compromising their own sovereignty on foreign and to a sizable extent, internal policy matters.

The ethical stand on nuclear power plants, river linking and death penalty is also a matter of considerable constipation. It is quite convenient and a little non-constructive to point out nothing but flaws in the current and prospective projects. When people in India die by the thousands, every season specifically due to climatic conditions, river linking would generally appeal to rationality. As it obviously turns out - not to all. The surprising fact is that while environmentalists worry a great deal about the social impact viz. displacement of people from their ancestral lands and the submergence of villages, they would not bat an eye when the same people die of floods or droughts. Even considering the flora and fauna, I believe sometimes environmentalists underestimate nature in its love for its own proliferation- Thekaddy (Periyaar reserve) in Kerala being a fitting example. Also, Kalam being a constant proponent of a Thorium based nuclear energy program is quite conveniently neglected.

As for death penalty- I can agree that there is no place for it the 21st century. But that is a completely subjective view and no one can claim to take the the moral high ground because human rights are universal and apply just as much to victims as they do to the convicted. The example of Dhananjoy Chaterjee is a handy one because Mr. Jayaram has the multipurpose tool of retrospective analysis – not a luxury readily available to people who need to make decisions based on current evidence.

It is but obvious that issues such as nuclear programs, energy generation and capital punishment are extremely disputed and naturally no one is going to agree completely on even the larger points, let alone the finer ones. To pass judgements on a man’s greatness based on such grey issues is a little rich. Especially given the fact that for the most part, he would be remembered and rightly so, to be a man who inspired a whole generation to dream big and work hard. He was a man who gave the phrase “Presidential Palace” a meaning more profound than the ones that could be found in a dictionary when he opened the imposing gates of the Rashtrapati Bhavan to school children, college students, farmers and a multitude of other social classes. This, especially because, unlike factional politicians and political pundits, he did not believe in social classes. And this is hardly surprising-  how would social classes matter; especially to a Muslim boy who was son to a boat owner, friend to the son of a Rameshwaram temple high priest, who went on to become a technician at Thumba Equatorial Rocket Launching Station which was housed in a donated St. Mary Magdalene Church.

In his closing remark, Mr. Jayaram opines, “...eulogising of Kalam comes across as a tad obscene.” I would want to humbly state that like each one of us, Dr. Kalam was no God. As every human, he had his share of misjudgements, vices and beliefs. What is actually “a tad obscene” is the pathological obsession with nitpicking every single mistake or opinion that is incoherent with your own and painting with a broad brush a picture far less beautiful than the person Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam actually was.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

The Days Of Men


On March the 8th, 2014 Google proudly put up the following doodle. The occasion was that of the International Women's Day. It made me happy. Happy about the fact that the world does pay attention to the cause of womanhood and that women in general, feel the solemn sense of pride that must be solely theirs to have been a woman - on a special day, just dedicated to them.


Not many know and fewer give a damn but today is International Men's Day. I know .. You may now go ahead and laugh it out. Google shares my view and very creatively put this up to mark the day. I'm not taking offense 'cause as they say- after all every day of the year is a Man's day, free to strut about, feeling awesomely male and invincibly virile. The reactions to the existence of a "Men's Day" is a mile wide and an inch deep though- ranging from "How dare they... " to "Why do they even need one ...". It ranges from astonishment, to ridicule, to plain indifference.  And this makes me feel a little let down. Not because a particular designated day does anything significant for my self esteem as a man but just that no one seems to give a damn.

Despite thousands of years of so called civilization of the human race, we remain majorly a patriarchal world and there is no denying that. And therein lies my inherent support for the cause of Women's rights. Having said that though, I sometimes feel, maybe incorrectly, that Men's issues hardly make it to the agenda on meetings and I wonder why..! I mean to most of us - What even are "men's issues"  - do they even exist ?!  Yes they do and its sad men, and more importantly, women are silent about it, despite being champions of the fight against gender bias.


On average, every year, more men around the world will be diagnosed of prostate cancer than women for breast cancer. While I read about a fund raiser for breast cancer just two days back, I cannot recall one instance in my entire life of even a roadside pamphlet on the former. I don't claim the medical community to have been biased or some male obsessed argument of the like.  Just that while disease and death is gender neutral, the attention and keenness for awareness is not; and that is not right. Millions of dollars are spent for support in cases of single motherhood, domestic violence etc. All usually under the blanket term of "Women's Aid" . Agreed, when it comes to domestic violence or workplace exploitation- men are less susceptible compared to women, but is that reason enough to pay less heed to a victim just because he is a man and should 'take care of his own shit'..?! I think not. And its not like we are all that a fringe either. As per statistics in India, 53% of victims of child abuse are boys !


And this brings me to my next point. To many, it is difficult to comprehend that men can even be abused. Aren't guys meant to always like it..? No. We don't. We are all so fed full on media junk about the male obsession for boobs, sex and everything vaginal that rape of a man is beyond comprehension. Somehow  I feel that it is demeaning above almost everything- that we are this peculiar creation of nature  that is forever consumed by lust- and for whom lust is by faa...aaaar, the defining instinct. Rape victims are provided anonymity, not rape accused-especially if male. In fact, in the eyes of the general public, he is guilty before trial. Not every one of us is a rapist, molester or wife beater. And by the way, every now and then we are also the ones raped, molested or physically abused whose story no newspaper reports, no news channel covers and very few organizations care about.


Speaking of organizations by the way, just a passing glance on gender ratio at workplace. Choosing female applicants at job interviews to maintain gender ratio is not gender equality but the stark opposite of it. Women more often than not, take offence to this "male claim" and its not difficult see their point; but only after acknowledging the existence of a minor  misinterpretation. Just to clarify, no one is saying a woman is going to make it to a job just because she is a woman. Women slog hard, very hard at college to get their degrees - nonetheless they are not exclusive in this pursuit. Your male classmate slogged just as hard. Merit and only merit should dictate hiring; not 'gender ratio at workplace'. Women empowerment does not start at the HR department of a company. It starts  earlier, much much earlier. It starts at kindergarten where going or not going to school and continuing there, and attending college later is not a decision made on the fact of a child being a boy or a girl. Hiring preference to maintain/improve gender ratio is not gender equality; its gender bias, a freebie which eventually robs her of self and peer side respect.

As confession, Yes ! This is a rant. A vent to some bottled up frustrations resulting from all the propaganda that dubs us collectively as sexual perverts, violent miscreants, emotionally insufficient jerks. Propaganda that makes us feel apologetic of every harm that was ever done to a lady; which by the way does no good to anyone or any cause. Propaganda that almost makes us feel ashamed for the very accident of birth as a male. Opinions and common 'wisdom' that I can never love my daughter or my son as much as their mother. And this is neither fair nor acceptable.

We are not all that bad. He could be a son who wants to make the most of his talents to prove his worth to the world, to his parent and most importantly to himself. He could be a brother who would fight with but more importantly, for his sister. He could also be the husband or the lover who would happily give up everything for a smile on her face. He could be the father under whose fortitude, every child has sought emotional refuge and security. He could be a friend with whom you share stories and gossip over a cup of coffee and some cookies.

He could also be the guy who likes to laze on his messy bed on a Sunday afternoon, the guy who loves to discuss cars, superheroes, the new girl in the dorm and global warming or he could be just a guy who wants to sit by a lake simply throwing rocks into the water and be a complete bloke.

Believe me, we are not all that bad. 


Saturday, July 5, 2014

The Brassiere of Contention

This follows an article I read on THE LOGICAL INDIAN and a recent argument I had with a friend as to why women would wear something to show off the straps on their bra. I'm no expert on female psychology - like there is anyone who can claim that; But these are, to the best of my knowledge, which I would humbly admit needs constant updating and improvement. Nevertheless on the other hand, I do very strongly feel that guys or men who actually have a serious problem with it need to genuinely reconsider their mental health. 


I guess this one is a tad too honest for comfort but anyway...

You know why women let their straps show sometimes? Because they look hot. If you can carry it off that is. And what is wrong with that ..? Can you deal with it..? And by the way a sizable population of men find it that way as well.. Fine, let me not generalize by saying 'most' men.. At least I do. And I am in no denial about it. It is for the same reason some guys seem to take great joy in wearing low slung jeans and show off their clavin klein or jockey underwear.. although it beats me which girl with any sense of aesthetics would find such a sight on the road attractive. Because you know.. I think women have better yardsticks for assessment than their male counterparts.

Women wear it because, just sometimes, it makes them feel good about the way they look.. and what is wrong with that? And there is definitely nothing wrong with you as a guy if it looks attractive to you. This, as long as it can stay to the point of appreciation or even mild admiration and can tell your dick to shut up and behave. If you can't do that, forgive me.. but I don't think you are man enough to wield your python. This, as long as your putrid mind is not telling you that a visible strap is, in some weird way, a desperate woman sending you a distress call to get into her pants. Because as I said before, women usually have better yardsticks than "hotness"; and lets face it guys, we are not as yummy as we think we are, in those fantasized so called "inviting" environments where she would supposedly enjoy our leery glances.

And lastly but probably most importantly, sometimes women wear it so because frankly they just do not give a damn about what you think or judge them to be. And what is wrong with that ..? Probably it doesn't even go as far as to bring your "much valued" judgmental opinion into the arithmetic. It sometimes shows .. sometimes it doesn't.  Big deal. We men need to realize that unlike for us, to most women, a bra is as mundane as the innocent little T shirt- maybe a li'l more important.. I don't know :P. But reasonably speaking, i  don't believe they are really thinking as to which one would be the weapon of choice for the day.

And lets not confuse this with modernity or liberalism. Wearing "less" is not what  constitutes freedom, it lies in wearing what you want without being painted with prejudice. And the responsibility to nurture this freedom lies with the both of us. The female form is almost a form of art except for one minute detail that it is so much higher than art itself. But ever so more substantially tasteful is the female being. So lets not reduce its worth by judging her just on the basis of the things she uses to adorn the form. Probably keep a wider view of the world and take heed of the being which just like yours and mine dreams, feels, hurts, loves and lives. I don't need my head to tell me to respect a woman because "Oh she must be someone's daughter..or someone's sister". Lets respect women for well, simply being women.

With or without the strap showing.

Because she is never "Asking for it"

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Governance, God and Gujarat


I am not very good with money or with economics in general but then, when I hear all the hoo-ha about all the great governance and the great economic strides that have apparently transformed Gujarat in a relatively short political span of 12 years- to me, it just somehow seems too good to be true. The sad part however is that to most us, all this seems to perfectly align, ipso facto, regardless of whether the 'facto' is actually existent or not and if at all existent, presents any corroborative evidence to this economic epiphany that Mr. Modi seems to have shown his people. Of course, if this stellar growth and development were true, the choice in the ongoing and upcoming General elections would be an easy one. But do they really all add up..?
BJP and Narendra Modi's electoral campaign has one main focus. Good governance and economic development; and of course the belief and make belief that he has been the one, and the only one, to have been true to all these promises in Gujarat. The argument, nonetheless losses quite a lot of its sheen in the light of some statistical data. The story of Gujarat's economic robustness is not unique to Modi. Gujarat has been outperforming the All India average GDP growth rate since the 1980's which of course is a testament to it industrious people.  To put it into figures, before Modi, Gujarat performed on average 1.1% higher than the national GDP figures and post Modi this average has been 1.3%. While being above average is always good and so is the improvement, I do not see this as stellar growth by a long shot. In my opinion, The Gaurdian, made a very objective observation about this, "Though Modi's stock is rising high, evidence for the success of Modinomics is unconvincing."  Then of course there is the rural electrification brilliance. Unlike the claims, Gujarat is neither 100% rural electrified and definitely not the first to be so. As of 31st January this year, according to a report by the Ministry of Power,14 other states are ahead of Gujarat, mind you at 100%. There is also a power surplus theory afloat that people of Gujrat, even in the villages, have no idea of what a power cut is. I do not know what 11 lakh housholds, which roughly translates to about half a million people, think of this; as according to the 2011 census they do not have electricity as their primary course of illumination. Is it just me or can it be that there actually are power cuts or in some cases no power at all. 35 villages still to be electrified as per data by the way.
So much about the power surplus, lets talk about industrial investment - Modi's core competency - selling the idea of Gujarat to the world. Among Indian states, Gujarat ranks 5th. While fifth is not bad at all but why lie about facts. I assume, lies are not something that we desire from our prospective Prime Minister. And is economic development everything..? I would generally take Amatya Sen's and Raghuram Rajan's word over Narendra Modi's. Maybe because between the former two, they share a Nobel prize, great intellectual capacities, credits of having predicted the 2008 financial crisis or may be just because they do not need to use gimmicky "clever"  AK47 AK49 genre of punch lines to convey a point. Nonetheless, according to them, the HDI (Human Development Index) and the CDI (Composite Development Index) figures in Gujarat are quite disappointing to say the least. Google it for yourselves and realize the trickery first hand. I am no congress supporter but my voice is only against all this falsehood. BJP's constant refrain is that Congress has never done anything. Ever...! And supposedly, AAP has no 'vision' for the country. The irony however is that neither has the BJP made any clarifications on its own developmental blueprints. Their favorite phrase of course is "The Gujarat model of development" Well...whatever that is. No one really seems articulate enough to let us know. He often asks, "I have no family. Who will I be corrupt for?” I don't know, maybe his Public Relations Officer. He seems to have done a pretty good job with the hogwash.

Having talked about the 'less important' governance and growth, let us shed some light on India's favorite pass-time, Religion and the favorite board game of the Indian politician, Religious sectarianism. If you go to the New York Times website and search for an article called Timeline of the Riots in Modi’s Gujarat, one can plausibly see why Modi has been so unapologetic. An action will have a reaction is his reasoning because obviously rioting is the better thing to do ..!! As opposed to say, not setting fire to entire neighborhoods, killing people, killing children- born and unborn and mass raping women. Mr. Modi has a standard and in some ways a pretty decent counter for this- that of having been re-elected as Chief minister. This too, unfortunately, like a lot of his other 'facts' is a little too simplistic and really lacks some of judicial reasoning. If winning elections were to exonerate someone of  blame, why have courts at all. Lets all decide convictions on opinion polls. The thousands of cases pending in court could obviously use some help. Then of course you have the court verdicts which have 'exonerated' Modi. But no one questions on what grounds and circumstances. The court suspects but has "Not enough evidence for conviction" I hope at least a few of you have heard/read the chilling confessions by Babu Bajrangi, "Narendrabhai got me out of jail…… He kept on changing judges…. He set it up so as to ensure my release, otherwise I wouldn’t have been out yet... ". You think a person who has say over "changing judges" has no control over the lowly constable or a an SI who does the investigative 'errands' for the Gujrat police. Who are we trying to fool..? Religious divisiveness sometimes just stoops to really ridiculous levels in the Modi stable. In Kerala, for instance during a campaign he said, "Kerala the nursery of terrorism" I mean please, Give me a break. I have experienced social cultures from 5 states in India now and as far as religious health and harmony are concerned, Kerala wins hands down. And well, I am a Malayali and I probably know it a little better than Modi himself does.

I can't, by the way, speak of Modi, without speaking about the RSS. That was after all his training ground. In the onset I'd like to say, I am not completely against the RSS, especially for the kind of relief work their young members have done in the past. However, currently living in Germany, I cannot but stop the Hitlerjungend (Hitler youth) picture baring down on my thought process because RSS's founding was  inspired by The Fascist regime in Italy. RSS also holds Hitler in high regard for his staunch adherence to the principle of racial and cultural purity. This is not rambling by the way. Those interested can read the, Encyclopedia of modern worldwide extremists and extremist groups" - Stephen E Atkins. It is not my intension to paint a bad picture of the RSS but only to bring an objective view on its ideas and principles, because some charity here and some volunteering there is not what you are in your entirety. The principles you stand for, are to me, a major factor. RSS intellectual M S Golwalkar put it down plainly. Vaisudhaiva Kutumbakam and Indian values- which in itself is a good idea to start with. The problem is when they assume their idea of India to be the only idea and that this idea is so good and therapeutic that it is worth shoving down peoples throat. I hope they realize that the very diversity of India that they are so proud of is the reason why a monochromatic India is neither healthy nor justified. I am a Christian by religious faith but I think of myself a little more Indian than Christian because things to do with me and my maker are personal to me. However, my being Indian and the sense of pride associating its history, culture and ancient civilization is very public. Despite this, when history text books in Gujarat call Christians, Muslims and Parsees foreigners, it pinches pretty badly. I am not sure how many understand this but the promise of a better economy does not help. Really, it does not! It just feels a little servile and cheap to me. "We will call you foreigners in the textbooks. In exchange, the economy will be better and  your monthly salary will eventually see better days." You know, it feels quite demeaning, not despite, but precisely because of the promise of better economic sense.


Probably this voice of mine comes too little, too late and maybe not too many will like or even read it but then, that is never a reason to shut up. Whether you vote for Modi or against Modi - no matter. But let it not be based on knowledge via the grapevine. Research well, vote wisely.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

No Country for Young Men


While India basks in the glory of Satya Nadella, who is actually a US citizen now, becoming the top shot at Microsoft, there are grim realities staring us in the face when it comes to the less cared for sphere of India's sporting tradition among which are three foot-soldiers who do not even have an identity to call their own. Because to put it plainly, the Indian Olympic Association is so full of itself and so obstinately corrupt that it doesn't give a damn about anything but their own power hungry, self predatory, nepotistic ideologies of sport administration.

It started with a small conversation over lunch when a German friend of mine asked, "Does India take part in the Winter Olympics?" For most people, this is a straight forward Yes/No question with a probable add on as to how brilliantly or how poorly they performed. But like most issues India and Indians grapple with on a daily basis, well this too has its own fifty shades of grey.

"Yeah, kinda..! Three Indians are there but not India per se. I mean, they can't represent India"
" Wirklich !! That's weird..!"

Just like him, to me, it is beyond belief that people who have nothing to do with sports or at the very least, even national pride have a say over people much worthier than themselves. It is beyond belief that young men and women from our country, who have in fact mustered the courage to head out on the less trodden path in a cricket obsessed nation would have the misfortune, of not even having their national flag to clad their cold spirits. Standing in front of the world, holding your country's flag is probably one of the greatest patriotic feelings one could wish for. It is nothing but tragic that Indian athletes and Indian sports in general have come to this. Brings to mind Al Pacino, in the movie Scent of a Woman putting forward so eloquently, "There was a time I could see. And I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these. Their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothing, nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit. There's no prosthetic for that."

And here we are, witness to perhaps the most shameful times in that spirit of Indian sports. IOA, what a stupendous sham it is ..! Like our athletes, I'm sure its members too, must be unbelievably daring. But of course, of a very different nature. It sure must take a mountain of courage to be so ridiculously incompetent and still hold office and gloat about nothing but sheer void ego and ignorance. Probably courage mixed with a tinge of absolute shamelessness perhaps. I don't know. Its a trait of character I find difficult to comprehend. Nonetheless, I am not surprised. Why should I be..? IOA has been expelled by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) for its lack of adherence to the ethics code of the Olympic charter. Where is the surprise in that? Isn't that the way most of our institutions work. Proud of our "rich and varied heritage" and ignorant about the plight of the present.


People such as Abhay Singh Chautala and Lalit Bhanot would do well to look back into history and trace the roots of the positions they hold which was once graced by people of exceptional repute and selfless passion such as Om Prakash Mehra and Sir Dorabji Tata. Or probably, through a more twisted channel at which they are more adept, try and get cricket to be an Olympic sport- exclusion then would surely be an insult India wouldn't tolerate. Until that time safe to say, No Country for Young Men.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Liberation in Apology

The 8th of January is close to my heart although its not that it has much of a history to speak of. Normal day, normal events - but one year back, I took a little step forward and that, I would like to believe, made a fare bit of difference in at least the way I perceived myself and probably the way a few people perceive the world. Today, under some truly unbelievable circumstances, life seems to have come full circle.

Last year this time, I was a rather distressed human being. I worked daylong in front of the computer. I liked the work I did. I really did; but there is only so much analyzing of a car body panel you want to do in a day. At home, back from work, I used to start off writing my motivation letters, talk to professors for recommendation letters, scan the web for universities I could apply to, fret that the deadlines for quite a few had already expired and agonize myself with a cyclic self deriding  and self consoling mental debate if applying to quite literally just a handful of universities was enough. But this is not about that. Amidst all this, I just realized what a monumental sissy I was being. There are people by the millions living in absolute desperation- and what I had time to be worried about were my relatively trivial inconveniences.

I had no time - I had stopped going to the little NGO where I taught children some English and basic math. I barely met my expenses under the rather hefty cost of applications, exams and all the related travelling. Although I contributed a little to some charities, there was not much I could do financially. But I wanted so dearly to do something. I'm not the New Year Resolution kinda guy, but it was an unsettling first week and I said to myself, "Well, what the hell. Lets make one." I decided to do something personal. I made up my mind to offer genuine help and a proper, full-fledged "you mean the world" smile to a complete stranger each day for the next one year. I kept it to myself. I haven't even told my parents yet who practically know almost everything that goes about in my life. Truly speaking however, the execution has been fairly easy. Daily circumstances have not let me down in the abundance of opportunities.

Up until three days ago, I was happy. Happy that I had done my minuscule bit and also, happy that I had, at least to a few people, given a reason to believe that the world was not all that bad. Although ritualistic religiousness is not something that I favor much, there is this one verse in the Bible that has deeply influenced my life. Jesus, speaking of charity says, "I say to you- that what  you did to the least of my brothers, you did it to me" I think it draws probably the most beautiful parallel between service and worship. I was happy to have stood for something I so strongly believed in. All this nonetheless, all so very quickly, blew up in my face late night on the fifth of January.

I was returning to Stuttgart after a tight budgeted but fun filled December vacation in the north of Italy. My flight from Milan, delayed by two hours, landed in Stuttgart around 2330. I boarded the metro. I would say, it was rather unusually full that night. Most seats were occupied; except a few around this one particular person. I clumsily moved my strolley towards the seat and sat down. He was a round faced despondent man in his mid forties. Shabbily dressed and somewhat unkempt, he seemed relatively impoverished to say the least. He had drowsy eyes - more from fatigue than anything else I think. He had rashes on his face and scaling on his balding scalp.

I sat there for about two minutes. Then something in me told me, "He's kinda weird and dirty. You need to get up from here" And I did. In life, I have been mad at myself, sorry about some of the things I have done, but never have I ever felt quite so deeply ashamed of myself. As I moved away and preferred to stand by the door, he passed me a fleeting glance before turning his head back to the window- gazing into empty darkness. You could see in his tired eyes, the impossibility to reach out to the world around him. The burden of loneliness weighing down so heavily. Helplessly sitting there, avoided by everyone, just waiting there for each moment to pass. His sadness was overflowing but for some reason I was impregnable. My stop finally arrived and I stepped out with my holiday luggage. And almost in a flash, that happy feeling about 'having done good' and all of that philosophical stuff just popped like a soap bubble having gently made its decent to the ground. I felt so heavy with my emptiness that  I could not walk another step. I imagined myself in that person's shoes and I cannot start to tell how foul a person I felt I had been. I was just so cynical. All that one year of so called helping and smiling had come to mean nothing. Nothing at all!

For two days I lugged around that guilt; thinking about what I should have done as opposed to what I actually did. I got today morning a little late after a disturbed sleep. I went for a jog. I believe I wanted to run just to get this feeling out of my head. On the way back, I stopped at the supermarket for a bottle of buttermilk. Standing outside, still fairly out of breath- I sipped from the bottle as out of the corner on my eye, I saw a man walking in. It was the same man I avoided on the metro two days ago. Same muddy off white jacket. I ran back and said, "I met you on the S-Bahn(metro) two days ago"

"Well maybe. I don't remember," he said.

"Around twelve at night. I had this big suitcase. Sat with you and then got up an left." Certain that what I did was  bad enough not to be so easily forgotten. He would remember.

"Ahh, yes. Near the door. Yes is remember," he said dismissingly.

"I just want to say I'm so sorry. For the way I behaved that night. I was judgmental and prejudiced. I mean, you hadn't even said a word to me. I was so so cynical." It was more mumbling than coherent sentences.

"You are good to be thoughtful. Better late than never. Its okay." he replied and with a forlorn smile continued to speak, "Anyway. I am used to it now. I stay alone. Its not very different" He tried to pull off a stern face but could not. I could feel the choke in his voice and see the glaze in his moistened eyes. He and his wife live separate lives now. I think he has his own farm or works in one. I couldn't really understand as he said that in German, rather incomprehensibly.  His daughter studies painting in Dresden. He had rather severe Psoriasis which according to him was not a really big problem. Judging from the way he opened up and spoke, it seemed like it had been a long time. He just needed to vent. I obliged. We had a nice little chat for about 5 or 10 minutes. Supposedly his daughter is coming in the summer. As we were parting, I asked, "Can I help you with something, Sir?"

"I have a 2 euro coin that does not fit into the trolley. Do you have change?"

"No. I don't. But I'll get you some from the counter." I was mumbling again- in almost childlike joy for being able to make amends. I went inside and got the change for him and handed it over.

"Danke! I mean thank you. And don't worry about the other night." He said and smiled and went in. It was as if the weight of the world was lifted off of me. I responded with a heartfelt smile- the most heartfelt in along long time and walked back home. Free and truly glad. 

Its 8th of January today and I think, I found a little more meaning in life. A new lesson learnt.

I believe there is a sense of humility in the acceptance of ones imperfections, a sense of purpose to guilt too and a sense of liberation that comes in the wake of genuine apology. I feel that now. As Morgan Freeman says in the film Shawshank Redemption: "I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head." Nevertheless, I will sleep in peace tonight..!
Gute nacht..!



Dedicated to Prof. Stephen Hawking - A great man and a personal hero of mine who showed the world how skewed your opinions could be when you can't put prejudice out of your mental make up. (Born: 8th January, 1942)





Saturday, December 14, 2013

Remember Remember the 5th of November

For me, its been an emotionally nerve wracking week. For five days now, I've held this rant inside me and that's something what I call, a self imposed form of mental constipation. I know, its kind of a grotesque start. But well, I'd have to say its much less of a bullshit story than that by the media and the so called "social scientists", whining about India's Mars Orbiter Mission (MOM).

At a personal level, I've held astronomy close to my heart from the time I was a child. In fact I still prize the "Earth, space and the universe" paperback quiz books my mother bought me a long time ago. I believe it was only natural to feel a very real sense of crackling excitement to have heard ISRO's ambitious plans and finally, to have seen PSLV-XL take India's maiden interplanetary satellite into space. But then of course happiness is an evanescent thing. That vicious question repeated yet again; and again and again. "Is India really justified on spending so much ?" 

I am not really interested in specifying "spending on what" because as a matter of fact, to the assailants, if I may take the liberty of calling them so, it does not matter. Not one bit! As long as the BBC can show a photograph of a rag picking girl from a garbage dump, any expenditure that is not directly linked to feeding a destitute is unethical. I cannot agree enough that a large number of people in India live in ruthless poverty. I cannot stress enough that empathy and action from the state and from each citizen towards such grossly underprivileged people is of paramount importance. But it needs to be understood- India is not merely a monochromatic, painfully romantic BBC photograph.

And what numbers are we talking about..?! Taking into account the complexity of such a mission, I think the project is quite literally, a complete bargain. At a cost of INR  450Cr (c. USD 73 million)  the mission is a meager 0.02% of India's 2013 budget. An interesting comparison would be an Indian family hatchback which takes roughly the same amount to develop. Speaking of cars, a friend of mine posted this a few days back for the mileage obsessed Indian: "The orbiter is slated to travel a distance of roughly 780 million km on its journey to Mars which works out to be less than 7 Rs/km." That is in fact cheaper than a god damn auto rickshaw in Bangalore although I think actually anything is cheaper than an auto ride in Bangalore. Even if you smoked a few less cigarettes during the course of the project, you would have contributed to a better probably a little more useful form of fire and smoke. Apart from the fact that it is genuinely low-cost, I wonder the critics know how much space missions generally cost. The Curiosity rover project was developed at a cost of $2 billion. That's twice the amount of India's entire annual budget on space research. Agreed, the size of the project is much smaller. But even on a comparable project, the US would spend close to ten times of what ISRO has managed to do it in. And given the extremely tight schedule of 15 months, its a no brainer that the effort is by any yardstick, a commendable one.

Here's another thing that really baffled me. This tweet aired on a BBC telecast said, "I think they do not want our aid money anymore" Unfortunately, that's the bane that follows the position and title of being a fast growing yet 'developing' nation. From personal experience, for many Europeans, India is typically a place with a lot of slums and a lot of call centers - both of which, take away tax-payer money in the form of aid and take away jobs in the form of back office services. The tweet reflects a very human tendency to prescribe to a rather sanctimonious ideology of relegating beneficiaries to servile yes men. In an interesting turn of events nonetheless, India has pledged to contribute $10b to Europe's aid as a part of the IMF 'firewall' against further economic crises. I'm not too sure India is really telling the IMF or beneficiary  countries what to do or not to do with their own tax payers' money and I think the gesture needs to be mutual. And speaking of foreign aid by the way, India is the largest donor towards polio eradication, having contributed a total sum on $2 billion. This is from a WHO report - Not Indian propaganda. Aid is charity, a sign of solidarity and most of all the epitome of benevolent human relationship. Its never a license to dictate.

For the record, detractors are not just outside. There is a large breed of home grown critics as well. For obvious reasons, they are the ones that irk me the most. First of all allow me to say this - "Get a life !" Having said that, allow me also to give you reasons so as to why they should get a life. The primary objection is very closely linked to expenses. About expenses, noted journalist and social activist Praful Bidwai, for example, is of the opinion, "Completely disproportionate in quantity". He says that while a multitude is living in poverty, spending 450Cr on a space mission is totally disreputable. Now, lets take some stats into account. India, in 2013-14 will spend Rs. 27250Cr on the Sarva Siksha Abhiyaan alone, Rs 37330Cr on Family Welfare, Rs. 33000Cr on Rural employment and a whopping Rs 125,000Cr (estimated) on the Food Security Bill. By any standards, these are really, really large numbers. For a moment, I'd have to agree with Mr. Bidwai that the expense on the MOM is disproportionate, albeit only in the diminutiveness of its financial backing.  So the argument that India doesn't have its priorities sorted out with regard to social welfare begs to be thrown out of the window. And for God's sake, Mumbai alone spent 600 crores on crackers on Diwali night - by the way some of which were rockets too. Instead of pinning the blame on a handful of scientists and engineers who've made the most out of the bare minimum offered, probably people such as Mr. Bidwai may better serve the nation using their journalistic skills and 'activist' clout to help figure out where these enormous funds go.

But then of course, you might ask, what's the point of it all? Why do it in the first place? Let me start with the less important financial part. From Aryabhata to Mangalyaan, there have been 72 Indian satellites sent into space. When Aryabhata was launched in 1975 we were completely dependent on the Russians and the Europeans with 60% of the first 25 satellites being put into orbit by a foreign launch vehicle. Today that figure is down to 16%. In fact, India launches satellites for developed nations such as Japan, Israel, Germany, France among others. To be exact with figures, ISRO has helped launch a total of 35 such satellites. With the cost of launching a satellite being anywhere between 50 and 400 million USD, I can't comprehend how someone is unable to see the savings and the potential income ISRO's missions entail. And by the way who are these people employed at ISRO? Indians. Who builds most of the infrastructure? Indian companies. That's home grown employment from home grown revenue generating work. Last time I checked, that's the most robust way to a society's economic evolution. Did I miss a meeting..? Antrix, ISRO's marketing wing reported a net income of 1.5 billion Indian rupees in 2008. Do I need to say more on how space exploration is profitable.. or that if it is of any use at all ?!!

So much for the present and the future. Take a peek into the past too. Cyclone Paradeep made landfall on the shores of Orissa on 28 October, 1999. By the time the storm had subsided, over 10,000 people had lost their lives. Our main handicap was the lack of advanced remote sensing satellites and Doppler radars. In stark contrast, Cyclone Phailin's death toll was 45. Are you listening ? 45..! Among other things, a direct result of investment in satellite technology. Can you put a price tag on the expenditure on technologies such as these that have helped save countless lives..? One should probably google the Cospas Sarsat system to know how space technology has direct impact on lives here- close to the ground. And where do you think GPS and your SatNav comes from? And what about national pride..? Where did that go..? Has it come to mean nothing! Does Rabindranath Tagore's Nobel prize for literature have no meaning because it has no substantial economic merit. Does the fact that one can't put to use the contents of Gitanjali onto an assembly line and churn out low quality so called 'blockbuster' bollywood movies make it irrelevant to national pride.

All this so vividly brings Oscar Wilde to mind who defined so accurately saying, "A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing." No country has succeeded on its maiden attempt to Mars, more than half of all Mars missions have failed. Can one not foresee the challenge, the immense national pride if we are to nail it or even the courage to have attempted something as audacious as this? I hope we understand the role this will play on the young minds to whom the older generation will bequeath the role of carrying India's technology and status to greater heights. Somewhere in the last 10 years, an ever growing number of young Indian engineers have gone from I want to join NASA to I want to work for ISRO. I'm not convinced the critics actually appreciate the gravity of a shift or even the beginning of such a shift that's taking hold of India's enormous youth. I so wish they could stand from my viewpoint and watch the vista - a view that has infinite hope, boisterous energy, a calm assured confidence and deep down inside, a sense of innocent pride.

And hey, the ISRO guys seem to have a decent sense of humor too. Especially with regard to the subtlety in timing. So, the title of this piece in their honor.